were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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