Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
