I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
