Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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