Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
