I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
