my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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