my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
