I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
