Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
