last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
