I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
