he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
