I want to stick my p in your. b.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
