so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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