Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize