he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Let's paint friendship bongs
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
