just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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