Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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