fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
