I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I still have a little drunk in my system
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
