i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
