When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just high enough for therapy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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