I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
