If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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