my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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