My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
