there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
