Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
