Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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