some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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