i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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