You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize