We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
