is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
