Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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