we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
