hotel room ftw
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
