My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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