I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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