I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize