Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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