somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
do herpes really smell.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
