I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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