I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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