If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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