I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
