im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize