bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
