like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
