thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
