Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
