If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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