I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
