See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
