Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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