Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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