I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
