A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
