College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
