how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
