saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
